I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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