Did you just see the Batmobile???
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
