So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
