She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
