I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
