Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
