Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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