watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
