There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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