Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
