I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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