direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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