I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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