You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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