Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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