We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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