Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
