not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
