I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
