Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
