he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
