Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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