A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
