do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
