I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
