Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
