He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
