Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
