I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
