I must be too annoying 4 u.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
