my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
