Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
