So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
