Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
