I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
