I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
