I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
