I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
