I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
