Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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