yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
