yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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