Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
