i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
its not stalking. its research.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
