proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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