It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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