I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
