Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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