A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
