Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
