I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
