Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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