lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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