Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
