I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
