From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
