Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
