i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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