First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
