there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
