i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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