so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
