u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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