Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
