please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
