similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
