I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
