i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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