When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
