i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
