I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize
