OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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