I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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