i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
