Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
