I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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