At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
