WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no you cant smoke seaweed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
