You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
