I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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