i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
