Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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