pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
