Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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