you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
