LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
