No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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